Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Two words: blizzard sex
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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