Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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