i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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