Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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