Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I am naked and annoyed.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
