why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
