I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
