Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
