I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
