Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize