i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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