You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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