I like to think it a success when the cops are called
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
