Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
