Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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