she looked like the before picture.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
