Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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