Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Enjoy the penises
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
