He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
