Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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