This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize