drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
