no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
