Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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