Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Pants are for mortals
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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