and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize