how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
