Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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