Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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