I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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