the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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