Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
