Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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