she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
