Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
