How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
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