I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
