My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
