My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
