You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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