did you get engaged???
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
how drunk are you?
Several
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
