I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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