No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
