guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
