Four minutes until I can fart!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
