i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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