he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
