I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I feel like death gave me a hand job
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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