Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Boobs are out for the taking
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
