I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i was born a porn star she said
I feel great
I just peed on a car
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
