oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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