At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
