My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
