Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
