Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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