So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
