last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
