Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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