It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize