Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
