I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
