So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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