Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
