I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
