I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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