I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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