Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
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