You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
