Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I could make wine with my vomit
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize