Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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